Granted. This confuses amd2800barton so much - good job.

I wish I weren't so easily befuddled.

Granted. You understand everything in the universe and know the meaning of life. Unfortunately, this is just before you get decimated by a runaway train.

I wish amd2800bartons post didn't end this awesome thread.

Granted. Your post is the one that ends this thread and its awesomeness.

I wish The Office was on every Thursday.

Granted, but it's the same episode every week (and it's the one you like the least)

I wish I would stop sneezing

Granted, but then you start coughing uncontrollably (Flaschbart disease is a bitch)

I wish Missouri weather wouldn't change 50 degrees from one day to the next.

Granted, but now it's always -7 degrees and snowing.

I wish I would do the homework I need to.

Granted, but you fail the assignment anyway.

I wish I had more money.

Granted, but you will be short by $1 for everything you want to buy.

I wish I didn't have to work right now.

Granted. You're no longer being paid $5 for each blowjob you give out, rather giving them for free.

I wish I didn't have 3 tests this Wednesday.

granted you have 4

I wish i could get credit for a class and not have to take it

Granted. Your lack of actual education, however, gets you fired from your first 3 jobs.

I wish I could have gone to the second half of the race last weekend.

Granted. You win the "Men's Doubles - No Pants Sack Race". You go out and celebrate like mad. Unfortunately,your partner thinks you're more than just a great team. Unfortunately for you, your partner thinks you're more than just a great sack race team. You wake up the next day as your partner's inner spoon, you both are naked, your asshole feels as though it's been torn asunder, and your lips are a little sticky and taste salty.

I wish that I could just hold my notes to my head for a little while and the knowledge would absorb into my head.

Granted, unfortunately you also absorb the lead from the pencil writing on the notes. You become retarded with an IQ of 20.

I wish there weren't stupid people getting in the way of things like CERN.

Granted. Now very convincing bastards with a political agenda get in the way of things like CERN. The worst thing is that Al Gore gets ANOTHER Nobel Prize for it.

I wish I had a puppy.

Granted. It has rabies. It shares its disease with you and you begin to go murderously insane. You kill your family.

I wish I had a third eye.