Granted, but your third eye completely disagrees with your other two, giving you very messed up vision.

I wish I was done with this shit.

Granted, but your asshole never recovers from said shit. Your life partner is very upset so he kills you then kills himself.

I wish this semester was over.

granted, you follow demonspork's lead


I wish I only had to deal with competent people

Granted. Now the people you deal with disagree with your every statement, thought, and action.

I wish I drove the Batmobile.

Granted, but it's a pedal car.

I wish people didn't cheat.

Granted. Your next game of bullshit will be much more boring.

I wish it weren't so damn cold out.

Granted. It is now 100 degrees everyday. btw, that's in celcius.

I wish I didn't have to go back to class in 5 minutes.

Granted. Class is moved one hour earlier and you missed it. Also participation points were worth more than the final.

I wish I had a larger capacity hard drive.

Granted, but it runs at 10 RPMS.

I wish my thesis would write and defend itself successfully.

Granted, except someone beats you up and steals it on your way to turn it in. Congrats, they go on to make millions off your research while you flunk out.

I wish I knew how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Granted and then you found out that tongue twister was created because of your mom's ability to twist her tongue around some wood (LOL SUCK DICK)

I wish berto fails the bio test tomorrow

Granted, but he finds out about your wish, and promptly fucks your mom (and probably your dad, probably at the same time)

I wish I had gone to bed earlier tonight.

Granted, you went to bed last night before you woke up yesterday morning and then time breaks and all of reality as we know it is shattered. Oh, and berto fucks your parents (probably at the same time as spork's)

I wish I didn't have to come up with a thesis by class tonight.

Granted. You end up getting really high and turning in a thesis written in wingdings. (Turns out it was about berto's sexual encounters with your parents.)

I wish it were Friday already.

Granted, but during your time jump, berto is unchallenged while he fucks your parents (he really must have some sort of bisexual fettish for parents)

I wish berto didn't like screwing everyone's parents.